I am sick of EVERYONE, can I say that? Yeah I really am, I finally get over Casey(yes I'm over you, happy? Now you can ignore me all you want and not have to worry about people getting mad at you because of me.) So I finally get over him and I really like this guy named Aaron now. He's sweet, cute, hyper, funny. He has a great personality, he's a gentleman and he's a damn awesome kisser if I do say so myself. (And yes I have experience, 8 people... jesus... I feel like a whore.) So after getting over Casey and starting to like Aaron(alot), my friend Kyle decides to ask me out. Well it's not asking me out, really. He just wanted to makeout, and I'm sorry but when he said that I felt like a tool. I have the right to feel like that... right? So after crying myself to sleep that night because I thought he was mad at me I find out the next day he wasn't and I was happy. Cause you know, I thought everything was going right for once. But no, so we were talking and he asked if I was mad at him cause I seemed different. And I said maybe it's because I'm finally over Casey, I'm moving on, I like someone else. Maybe it's cause I'm not constantly depressed and horney anymore. And he agreed, then the topic switched somehow and we got on the subject of my being a slut. And excuse me, I'm not a slut. I don't go and throw myself at anything alive and around the same age of the opposite gender. I know alot of those people and I'm NOT one of them.

And I hate being called one, cause that means someone hasn't gotten to know the REAL me. Sure I flirt with alot of guys, and I was willing to call myself a "Cuddle slut" cause I thought that was kind of a funny title. But no, Kyle said that from what he heard about Aaron and I and then a week ago something about an encounter with my friends Haeden and Michelle... that I had gone from "cuddle slut" to slut.

I just want to be happy, I want to have a relationship where the guy isn't using me for something. Even though all my future ones are probably gonna turn out the same... I want to die now.

So I have alot of secrets... I mean alot.. messed up ones... that I don't want anyone to know about so instead of using my myspace I'm coming here... somewhere I can hide.


I'm depressed, about alot of things.
I want to be able to just break out and say what's on my mind... but I don't have the guts.
I want to be turely able to not care what anyone thinks or says about me... but that's not gonna happen.
Most of the time I try to make everyone happy.
I think about killing myself, it's not gonna happen. I don't have the guts.
I want to be able to find someone, and change myself to what they want and never have to suffer with a broken heart ever again.
I want to know that this time wasn't my fault, no matter what anyone says I still think I make it worse by being me.
I feel totally worthless and unwanted, even though I have friends that care about me.
I feel that I can't truely trust anyone because of things that have happened to me.
I'm annoying on purpose, I don't want anyone to get too close to me because everyone I've gotten close to has stabbed me in the back. I wish I could change that... I'm sorry...
I use the internet to hide, I can't deal with real people so I blog everything that's on my mind.
I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to people, I feel that I'm not worth living, that I'm just wasting precious air... that I don't belong here...
When people say things about me that aren't true and they don't even know me, I go home and cry myself to sleep.
I've never gotten drunk, done drugs, cut myself or slept with anyone(although secretly I wish I had...)
I think that switching schools is the best thing for me... but I can't tell my mom why I want to switch schools... she'll never understand.